I remember as a kid that my favorite fruit snacks weren’t the ones that looked like fruit or amorphous shapes–they were the ones that were shaped like characters that I liked, sharks, dinosaurs, etc.  Or, in the case of this box of vintage food that I found in the back of my closet, fruit snacks shaped like jet fighters!

Last time I checked the store’s selection of fruit snack shapes all that they had were licensed characters and generic fruit shapes.  There did used to be a place in a mall near me that sold fruit snacks shaped like weird things but they closed years ago.  Oh well.  I guess if I’m going to be blindly throwing them into my mouth then I don’t care what shapes they are, like the color of M&M’s.

What you see here is a generic soda brand based off of Dr. Pepper that we saw at Wal-mart. The name of the soda seemed so over-the-top that I just had to take a photo. When I look at this, the image of Thor, the god of thunder, comes to mind. Why not put Thor on the box wearing scrubs? That would be pretty neat.

Apparently, Dr. Thunder was originally called “Southern Lightning”, so that gives you an idea of their branding abilities. Now that sounds more like a name for a super hero than a brand of soda. “Don’t worry, Southern Lightning will save you!” Thank Thor they changed it to Dr. Thunder!

At least it’s more exciting then another Dr. Pepper rip-off known as “Dr. Bob”. It’s basically some guy’s name. “Hey, can I have a sip of Dr. Bob?” “Mmm, Dr. Bob is so refreshing and goes down smooth!”… okay I’ll stop there.

Maybe its just a dried apple that was carved into a face.

We ran into this product a while back in the baked goods section at Wal-Mart.  “¡Sponch!” is an imported cookie product from Mexico that is essentially shortbread cookies topped with marshmallow, coconut, and strawberry jelly.  It doesn’t really matter, though: this stuff takes the Orbitoad prize for best product name ever.

Stay tuned for an upcoming ToadTalk episode where we put “¡Sponch!” to the test.  Will it be as good as it’s name is?

It’s Mario’s pal, Toad!

The second entry in the tribute to cookies series is that of the starman power-up from the Mario series of games. Touching these bouncing stars makes Mario temporarily invulnerable and able to kill pretty much any enemy that he runs into. Despite years of testing, power-up does not apply to cookie.

We begin our tribute to humorously-shaped cookies with this “Simpsons” tribute cookie: Bart’s favorite cookie shape, the bloody spearhead.

I found these two (full, mind you… full!) cans of Super Mario Bros. sodas in my basement a while back. These mini sodas from the early 90s and made by Shasta sure bring back some refreshing sodariffic memories. I also remember there being some kind of Yoshi apple and possibly Princess Peach something or other. If the Princess Peach soda wasn’t peach flavored then I don’t know what those soda guys were thinking. Either way, I remember the Mario one being the best, which is probably why I was left with a surplus of Luigi ones. Poor Luigi.

That reminds me: when did she become Princess Peach? I aways remember her being Princess Toadstool in the old video games and the animated shows. Was it a name change like Sega did with Dr. Robotnik/Eggman? Would Peach be techically “Princess Peach Toadstool”? That would certainly make sense, considering both Mario and Luigi have last names: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.

The Phantom Menace was released to generally-disappointed audiences; except for me.  As I look back on the film’s 15th anniversary, I’m reminded of the onslaught of merchandising.  In this case, it was candy.

From the above image of the Jar Jar lollipop, it is difficult to determine where the lollipop is.  After all, it appears to just be a sculpted head on a stick.  Pressing the back of the device reveals the shocking truth:

No.  Please, no.

That’s right, kids — the lollopop is Jar Jar’s tongue, allowing you to re-enact the part of the film where someone shoved Jar Jar’s tongue down their mouth and sucked on it.  Who could forget that scene?  That’s the reason why people generally hate Episode 1, right?